After some humming and hawing, I decided that the pains I felt on the weekend were too strong for me to ignore so on Monday I called my OB's nurse with my concerns. Much to my surprise she said she completely understood by worries and that she would see me within a couple of hours to check my baby's heartbeat.
Thank you Canada for the amazing gift of public healthcare
Within 2 seconds of placing the probe on my belly, I heard the heartbeat. ''There it is'', she said smiling.
That was all I needed to hear to make everything right in my world again.
she also gave me the great news that our IPS results (integrated prenatal screening) for down syndrome, Trisomy 18 and neural tube defects came back normal.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The mysterious case of the disappearing baby bump
IfI have to be honest - I really don't *feel* pregnant these days. I think that seems weird to say especially given that today, of all days, is Mother's day. Some of my other non-ivf pregnant friends are just "channeling their inner peace of motherhood"' as one referred to of their pregnancy.
In my head, I know that I am pregnant and that as of 2 weeks ago, my baby's heartbeat could be found on the doppler. So why is it that every time I have a period of 2 weeks or more that goes by without confirmation, I get worried? Can I realistically chalk it up to having struggled with infertility and the constant worrying that goes hand in hand with ivf?
I really felt like I was growing a little baby belly last week. Even some of my colleaues (granted they know I am expecting) commented on how I was really showing now.
Then suddenly I woke up yesterday to literally have a flat stomach. Ok..perhaps a flat stomach that could use a pilates course but definitely not a defined belly bump that was visible all week. Did I imagine it? Am I mistaking my growing baby for gas? For one too many Dairy Queen blizzards?
I have finally decided that all this worrying is not doing me any good and so I took the plunge and rented a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. There are mixed opinions on them since some women claim it gave them the exact reassurance they needed and others get a bit worried when they cannot detect the heartbeat immediately.
I feel this is exactly what I need until I too,can "channel my inner earth mother".
I am also going to make an effort to stop comparing my body to others. I feel hurt every time someone says to me "you're so small. I have REALLY popped by now". "OMG, I totally felt little flutters at like 14 weeks".
ps: I am calling your bullshit on that if it's your first child.
Maybe I am worried about my disappearing belly for no reason. I certainly hope so.
In my head, I know that I am pregnant and that as of 2 weeks ago, my baby's heartbeat could be found on the doppler. So why is it that every time I have a period of 2 weeks or more that goes by without confirmation, I get worried? Can I realistically chalk it up to having struggled with infertility and the constant worrying that goes hand in hand with ivf?
I really felt like I was growing a little baby belly last week. Even some of my colleaues (granted they know I am expecting) commented on how I was really showing now.
Then suddenly I woke up yesterday to literally have a flat stomach. Ok..perhaps a flat stomach that could use a pilates course but definitely not a defined belly bump that was visible all week. Did I imagine it? Am I mistaking my growing baby for gas? For one too many Dairy Queen blizzards?
I have finally decided that all this worrying is not doing me any good and so I took the plunge and rented a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. There are mixed opinions on them since some women claim it gave them the exact reassurance they needed and others get a bit worried when they cannot detect the heartbeat immediately.
I feel this is exactly what I need until I too,can "channel my inner earth mother".
I am also going to make an effort to stop comparing my body to others. I feel hurt every time someone says to me "you're so small. I have REALLY popped by now". "OMG, I totally felt little flutters at like 14 weeks".
ps: I am calling your bullshit on that if it's your first child.
Maybe I am worried about my disappearing belly for no reason. I certainly hope so.
Friday, April 30, 2010
15 1/2 weeks and counting
It is crazy to think that I am already 15 weeks along. Some days it doesn't even feel real to me. I must admit that seeing the baby on the 13 week ultrasound was incredible. As it turns out, both my husband and I came down with a wicked case of the stomach flu on the day before our ultrasound was scheduled. I was up all night praying to the porcelain god. By 8am I knew that I had to try and consume and entire litre of water and keep it down.
As I lay on the table any thoughts of sickness vanished as soon as I saw our precious little bean. The poor little baby was not being very cooperative for our sonographer that day as s/he was fast asleep. I guess mommy kept him/her up all night with trips to the bathroom. The sonographer apologised but in order to get a specific picture she was going to have to press down hard on my belly with the ultrasound wand. At this point I could feel the litre of water gurgling around in my stomach looking for an escape..and in a non-traditional route.
After a few minutes of her prodding and me trying my best not to vomit, the baby repositioned him/herself and extended his/her arm in front of the mouth almost as if to block a yawn ''are we done yet so I can get back to sleep?'' At this point in the pregnancy, the baby was measuring right on target at around 3inches. it is amazing to think that something so small can already be making such a huge impact in my life. I wish I could see my little bean every single day.
As I lay on the table any thoughts of sickness vanished as soon as I saw our precious little bean. The poor little baby was not being very cooperative for our sonographer that day as s/he was fast asleep. I guess mommy kept him/her up all night with trips to the bathroom. The sonographer apologised but in order to get a specific picture she was going to have to press down hard on my belly with the ultrasound wand. At this point I could feel the litre of water gurgling around in my stomach looking for an escape..and in a non-traditional route.
After a few minutes of her prodding and me trying my best not to vomit, the baby repositioned him/herself and extended his/her arm in front of the mouth almost as if to block a yawn ''are we done yet so I can get back to sleep?'' At this point in the pregnancy, the baby was measuring right on target at around 3inches. it is amazing to think that something so small can already be making such a huge impact in my life. I wish I could see my little bean every single day.
Monday, March 29, 2010
The best things in life are not things
Dear Bean,
It's official. Your mom has entered a new decade of her life today. So many friends of mine have been worried about turning 30 but I cannot help but feel that 30 is going to be my best year yet. This is the year that I am going to become a mom.
Every day, the reality that I am actually pregnant is sinking it. I want to believe you are there but so often, worry clouds my happiness. Today however was different. You gave me the best birthday gift in the world. I heard your little heart beating for the very first time. It was everything I had imagined and more.
It's official. Your mom has entered a new decade of her life today. So many friends of mine have been worried about turning 30 but I cannot help but feel that 30 is going to be my best year yet. This is the year that I am going to become a mom.
Every day, the reality that I am actually pregnant is sinking it. I want to believe you are there but so often, worry clouds my happiness. Today however was different. You gave me the best birthday gift in the world. I heard your little heart beating for the very first time. It was everything I had imagined and more.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
It is actually real!
I feel like a bad blogger for not posting news on Monday after the ultrasound but both of my parents were away on vacation. As my mom reads the blog, I wanted to wait for her return so I could tell her over the phone.
We were overjoyed on Monday so see our baby's heartbeat (yes that is singular baby not plural!).
In my earlier post I wrote that I'd be able to hear the heartbeat which was inaccurate. Most doppler radars cannot detect the heartbeat until another few weeks. When the sonographer placed the wand on my tummy, I think we were both expecting to see 2 babies growing. The twin factor had been built up from a combination of friends fascination with twins and my higher HCG levels from my first Beta.
As it turns out, we were partly right. There was in fact only one little bean growing with a visible and strong heartbeat (thank you , thank you, thank you). A second smaller gestational sac was clearly visible which meant at one point we did have a twin but the pregnancy was just not viable. I know it may seem silly ,but we felt a sense of loss. Had there been no second sac, we would have simply thought that only 1 embryo implanted. The reality is that the second embyro did implant but stopped growing..an early form of miscarriage. In terms of pregnancy, a singleton is lower risk and of course there were concerns about multiple delivery (born early) and getting used to life as a first time mom with not 1 but 2 babies.
I do not want to come across as ungrateful because seeing that little heartbeat was the most beautiful thing in the world. It's just to say that people's reactions tend to be that we should not feel sad over the loss of the second bean because we have the one. We are happy. We are extremely happy. But that day, we allowed ourselves to feel a bit sad about our little bean that tried to make it and just couldn't.
We were overjoyed on Monday so see our baby's heartbeat (yes that is singular baby not plural!).
In my earlier post I wrote that I'd be able to hear the heartbeat which was inaccurate. Most doppler radars cannot detect the heartbeat until another few weeks. When the sonographer placed the wand on my tummy, I think we were both expecting to see 2 babies growing. The twin factor had been built up from a combination of friends fascination with twins and my higher HCG levels from my first Beta.
As it turns out, we were partly right. There was in fact only one little bean growing with a visible and strong heartbeat (thank you , thank you, thank you). A second smaller gestational sac was clearly visible which meant at one point we did have a twin but the pregnancy was just not viable. I know it may seem silly ,but we felt a sense of loss. Had there been no second sac, we would have simply thought that only 1 embryo implanted. The reality is that the second embyro did implant but stopped growing..an early form of miscarriage. In terms of pregnancy, a singleton is lower risk and of course there were concerns about multiple delivery (born early) and getting used to life as a first time mom with not 1 but 2 babies.
I do not want to come across as ungrateful because seeing that little heartbeat was the most beautiful thing in the world. It's just to say that people's reactions tend to be that we should not feel sad over the loss of the second bean because we have the one. We are happy. We are extremely happy. But that day, we allowed ourselves to feel a bit sad about our little bean that tried to make it and just couldn't.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Is it Monday yet?
Never in my life have I been excited for a weekend to pass by quickly so Monday can arrive. This Monday, unlike every other mundane Monday is going to be different. This Monday, I will hopefully get to hear my baby's heartbeat for the very first time.
I keep worrying that something is going to go wrong. I have had cramps on and off but one night this week they were bad enough that it woke me up. I was lying in bed literally thinking ''This is it. It's all over.''
I contacted the nurse and she reassured me that cramping is completely normal as long as they are not very painful which could be indicative of an ectopic pregnancy. Also I have not had any spotting/bleeding which is a good sign.
3 more days...grow beans grow!
I keep worrying that something is going to go wrong. I have had cramps on and off but one night this week they were bad enough that it woke me up. I was lying in bed literally thinking ''This is it. It's all over.''
I contacted the nurse and she reassured me that cramping is completely normal as long as they are not very painful which could be indicative of an ectopic pregnancy. Also I have not had any spotting/bleeding which is a good sign.
3 more days...grow beans grow!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Goodbye Spicy food?
Well if there has been one noticable change or symptom in this early stage of pregnancy I would have to say heartburn reigns supreme. I am a huge fan of spicy food and I particularly enjoy our take-out Indian we get every second week.
Last thursday we ventured off the beaten path and ordered a new type of curry. Every item in the menu sounds the same. Chicken/beef/lamb in a rich thick sauce. So instead of ordering chicken dansak in a rich thick sauce we ordered some rendition of chicken curry...in a rich thick sauce. Yowsa! I have eaten this dish before and absolutely loved it even digging in for seconds while my friends filled up their water glasses for a 4th time. This experience was different though. I felt like I had flames burning up my espohagus before you could say Chicken Vindaloo.
The heartburn also makes a wicked appearance whenever I eat dishes with lots of garlic (another favourite). I have since learned that the cause for this fiery fun are the hormones progesterone and relaxin that occur at elevated levels in the body. They cause a pegnant woman's gastrointestinal linings smooth muscle to relax. When this happens your digestive system works more slowly and food is digested at a slower rate. This results in heartburn. Luckily, I have also since learned that a calcium antacid is perfectly safe to take in moderation while pregnant. Thank goodness because this girl is not ready to trade in her spicy meatball-a just yet.
Last thursday we ventured off the beaten path and ordered a new type of curry. Every item in the menu sounds the same. Chicken/beef/lamb in a rich thick sauce. So instead of ordering chicken dansak in a rich thick sauce we ordered some rendition of chicken curry...in a rich thick sauce. Yowsa! I have eaten this dish before and absolutely loved it even digging in for seconds while my friends filled up their water glasses for a 4th time. This experience was different though. I felt like I had flames burning up my espohagus before you could say Chicken Vindaloo.
The heartburn also makes a wicked appearance whenever I eat dishes with lots of garlic (another favourite). I have since learned that the cause for this fiery fun are the hormones progesterone and relaxin that occur at elevated levels in the body. They cause a pegnant woman's gastrointestinal linings smooth muscle to relax. When this happens your digestive system works more slowly and food is digested at a slower rate. This results in heartburn. Luckily, I have also since learned that a calcium antacid is perfectly safe to take in moderation while pregnant. Thank goodness because this girl is not ready to trade in her spicy meatball-a just yet.
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