Sunday, May 9, 2010

The mysterious case of the disappearing baby bump

IfI have to be honest - I really don't *feel* pregnant these days. I think that seems weird to say especially given that today, of all days, is Mother's day. Some of my other non-ivf pregnant friends are just "channeling their inner peace of motherhood"' as one referred to of their pregnancy.

In my head, I know that I am pregnant and that as of 2 weeks ago, my baby's heartbeat could be found on the doppler. So why is it that every time I have a period of 2 weeks or more that goes by without confirmation, I get worried? Can I realistically chalk it up to having struggled with infertility and the constant worrying that goes hand in hand with ivf?

I really felt like I was growing a little baby belly last week. Even some of my colleaues (granted they know I am expecting) commented on how I was really showing now.

Then suddenly I woke up yesterday to literally have a flat stomach. Ok..perhaps a flat stomach that could use a pilates course but definitely not  a defined belly bump that was visible all week. Did I imagine it? Am I mistaking my growing baby for gas? For one too many Dairy Queen blizzards?

I have finally decided that all this worrying is not doing me any good and so I took the plunge and rented a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. There are mixed opinions on them since some women claim it gave them the exact reassurance they needed and others get a bit worried when they cannot detect the heartbeat immediately.

I feel this is exactly what I need until I too,can "channel my inner earth mother".

I am also going to make an effort to stop comparing my body to others. I feel hurt every time someone says to me "you're so small. I have REALLY popped by now". "OMG, I totally felt little flutters at like 14 weeks".
ps: I am calling your bullshit on that if it's your first child.

Maybe I am worried about my disappearing belly for no reason. I certainly hope so.

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