Thursday, December 31, 2009

A new dawn, a new day, a new decade

On a cold night in 1999, I rang in the new millenium drinking champagne in a hot tub with friends in Quebec City. Fast forward 10 years later and my drink of choice tonight will be a near beer with the in-laws. As for the hot tub,-they are a no-no in my world these days.

Here we are, December 31st, 2009. I almost cannot believe that an entire decade has gone by (my entire 20's... GULP). At the same time, when I think back to all that I have accomplished since "Y2K" it feels much longer. I had some of the greatest years of my life. I finished university and college, met friends who will be with me forever and attended some parties that will be talked about until I am old and grey. I travelled to Africa, Asia, Europe and Canada, met and married my amazing husband, bought my very first house, got my first full time job, my second one, 3rd one and got my very own puppy.
My 20's have been good. Actually, they have been great.
2009 has been a tough year. It was like that 8th grade math teacher who taught you so much but you still didn't really like him. This year kept me in the dark for so long and then told me to wait and wait some more (Not the easiest of tasks for an impatient person).
Tomorrow I start my suprefact injections. If all goes well, by this time next month, I will have 1 or 2 little embyros growing inside me. For this reason, I can't help but be filled with an extraordinary sense of optimism on the eve of this new decade. I know some infertility vets don't like to make promises to themselves like "I will get pregnant in 2010!" so I will just say that I hope 2010 is going to be a good year. I have learned so much about myself in this past year and past decade that I am ready to face whatever challenge comes my way. Deep down in my heart I do believe that I will get pregnant this year.  Hope-it's what keeps me going.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Human Pin Cushion

My husband and I have recently discovered the medicine of acupuncture to supplement my upcoming IVF treatment. The goal for his treatment is to increase the number of sperm. For me, it is to stimulate follicle growth. Technically my ovaries are working just fine but there is some research which indicates acupuncture prior to, and including the day of transfer may increase my chance of IVF success. At this point, if it doesn’t hurt my chances, I say BRING IT ON!

The thought behind acupuncture is to increase blood flow. In my case, it is to increase blood flow to my reproductive organs and to reduce stress.

The first treatment was actually at the same time as my husband. He volunteered to go first so I was in the room while the doctor began inserting the needles. There were a couple that caused his back to spasm and shout out in pain. Ok this is not looking good. Now I am afraid for my turn.

I didn’t feel many of my needles go in, and to be truthful, any mild discomfort I felt could not really be classified as pain. I’m sure my husband would disagree. The doctor smiled as she completed my treatment, telling me that men normally complain more.

My second treatment is with another doctor and today I am in the follicular state of my menstrual cycle. This means that I am growing follicles to release an egg at ovulation. The treatment is more aggressive and more targeted on my body to where my reproductive organs are. No twitches so far. This is going well I think. Doc then tells me he is going to attach a machine to run electromagnetic pulses through some needles.

‘’Ahem. You are going to do what?’’
‘’You should only feel a dull buzz on your back and a small tapping on your leg.’’

Holy tapping Batman! BANG BANG KNOCK BANG. So much for a gentle tapping. I feel like my entire calf is jumping off the table. The dull buzz I feel is just that until suddenly I feel a sharp spasm. It is actually very difficult to explain what I felt but I’ll give it a try. Have you ever emptied a can of wet dog food or jellied cranberries into a bowl? The thick plop as it drains from the can is what I felt and then suddenly it passed. I explained this to him and he said this was good. Acupuncture increases blood flow and sometimes this is a sign of some blockage. Great.

Somehow though, once all the needles are in and the banging on the calf reduces to a tapping, I feel somewhat relaxed. Whether this will actually help us is to be determined. If anything, it gives me human pin cushion practice for my upcoming hormone injections.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Giving Thanks

It is Thanksgiving Day. In quiet times I think of all the blessings in my life. Despite this roller coaster of a year, with more dips than peaks, there are still so many things in my life to be thankful for. I am thankful for my wonderful family who support me always and are only a phone call away. I am thankful for my friends, new and old ,who have made this journey bearable by reminding me that life is good through the wonderful moments we have shared. I am thankful for my cat and dog who give unconditional love and bring a smile to my face every single day. I am thankful for husband who stands beside me and knows that this experience will not break us but only make us stronger.

It seems like a dream that by Thanksgiving next year I could be a mother to be. Until then I simply ask-

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference

Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Nothing comes easy

I thought today was going to be easier.

*Jessica* finally had her baby. I say finally because I have known about her pregnancy since day one. As in 20 minutes after she peed on a stick and told her husband, I knew.

I thought today would be great because finally Jessica is no longer pregnant. I have watched her baby bump grow weekly,attended the showers, listened to girlfriends gooing and gawing over lamb flannel sheets from Pottery Barn all the while reminding myself that when today arrived I would have a sense of relief. Not so.

When I received the email with all the specs: weight, time of birth, length, photo of baby boy, I cried. I cried a bit with happiness for my friend Jessica but mostly, I cried for me. I feel like a mean person.

As it turns out, Jessica no longer being pregnant means she is a mom. 16 months after we started trying, there she is ..a mom and I am nowhere close to even being pregnant.

I have been thinking about this blog for some time now. Today seemed like as good a time as any to get started. Welcome to our world of facing infertility and joining us on this roller coaster. We are embarking on our first IVF cycle this winter and are scared and excited all at once. This is our little space to vent, cry, learn and hopefully one day soon, share our joy of becoming parents.