Top 10 stupid things people say to the infertile couple

Alright, I need to write this post because let's face it, people have said some really stupid things to me over the last 18 months. Sometimes I wonder if people even think before they speak. My husband likes to remind me that I can't hold it against them. They don't understand infertility. They don't know what to say. I know. How about not saying anything at all! In all fairness, he is probably right but it doesn't stop me from remembering their comments and then posting them on here to have a good laugh. And yes these are all things I have been told. I'm sure many women have heard the same.

10. Just relax and you will get pregnant. Mmm.. true.  Stressing out does not improve anything but all the tequila and vacations in the world will not change my husband's sperm count.

9. I know someone who tried and tried for years and couldn't get pregnant, adopted and then BAM all of a sudden she had a natural pregnancy. Of course you know someone. So does my hairdresser and my cleaning lady's ex-husband's cousin. And no she didn't just BAM get pregnant all of a sudden because you just told me she tried and tried for years. Maybe she was cool with conceiving at 39 for the first time, but I'm not.

8. Ugh it sucked we got pregnant the first month. We didn't even get to practice. Giggle.Giggle. You didn't even get to practice? What happened? Did your husband's penis fall off after your conceived? You can't DO IT when you are preggo? Maybe you should have used a condom if you didn't want to conceive.

7. OMG I am getting fat. Yup that's what happens when you get pregnant. Oh I'm sorry you want pity..from me?

6. Being pregnant sucks. You're so lucky. I would kill for a glass of wine. You want to know what sucks? Spending 11 thousand to inject myself daily, harvest my eggs  and then hope to God that one takes when I put it back in because that it the only way I can become a mom. Man am I lucky I can get drunk though!

5. I know he has a low count but you only need one sperm! Actually no, we need millions to get the job done the old fashioned way. We even need millions for insemination.

4. Did you try charting your ovulation? My neighbour's sister tried for 12months and then used ovulation test sticks and conceived the first month. 1) Your neighbour's sister is obviously dumb. 2) Do you really think I am about to blow 11k on the most complicated fertility procedure that exists and not even know if I ovulate?

3.Just wait until you have kids and you'll see. It's not as fun as it seems. They're so much work. Hold the phone! Cancel the cycle! I had no idea kids required patience and hard work. Yuck! What was I thinking?

2. I don't know about all those fertility treatments. Are you sure? You're going to end up with like 6 kids. Yes I am going to be JUST like octomom. Fucking.Idiot.

1. Oh well just think, if it doesn't work, you can just do it again. You bet. Next time we will use your visa ok?

Human Pin Cushion Part 2

I am actually beginning to really enjoy acunpuncture. I have been undergoing treatment for a few months now (minus the time I spent away on my trip). The scary machine that is supposed to make light tapping sensations does just that. The needles that caused a jello like movement in my abdomen no longer hurt. In fact, some treatments have been so relaxing that I have fallen asleep. The room is kept warm with space heaters and at times, individual heaters are placed over my needle pierced stomach. In this January cold, it has become a time I look forward to. I have no responsibilties but to relax. I have used this time to focus on a postive outcome of our IVF cycle and sometimes even allow myself to daydream where I can actaully visualise our baby. I can see the nursery, my beautiful pregnant belly, the joyful moment when we share the news with our family.

I think about IVF all day long but during my acupuncture I get time to think about it without any distractions or negative thoughts. It's just me, a warm room, relaxing music and a whole world of hope.

Grow Eggies Grow!

Woo-hoo I got the green light to start the stimulation phase of my cycle today. I will be taking 150 units of puregon daily for around 10 days. Puregon is a Follicle Stimulating Hormone that will help my ovaries create many follicles with many ripe eggs instead of just one mature egg like I would have in a normal cycle.

I guess this is the exciting (and very scary) part of the treatment. I just have to hope I stimulate well but not too well otherwise my cycle could be cancelled.

I have included a picture of the little puregon pen that could.

I thought I was over this

After so many months of trying to conceive I thought I would be done with the jealousy of hearing yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement. They come in all shapes and forms but the one that makes me most annoyed (read: neurotic) are the ones on facebook. It is ridiculous. I actually find myself noticing wall posts or stalking tagged photos of people I went to high school with and haven't seen in years. Does she look fat? Definitely pregnant because she was always so skinny. There is just no way she can be that big and not preggo! Hmm all these people are writing congratulatory messages. Is she pregnant?

I can't even stop myself and I wish I could because it's self torture. This, by the way, is being written as I have just discovered yet another person announcing their pregnancy by means of their 3 month ultrasound as their latest profile picture. So I ask myself, ok maybe they didn't just get pregnant right away either. Not that is matters but it makes me feel better. Nope wrong again. Since facebook contains such trivial information as "Jessie is watching Dancing with the Stars, yippee", you can be sure that the important stuff like wedding photos are also posted. So.. said pregnant person got married in September and is already 3 months pregnant. Let's do the math. Something tells me this person does not even have the word infertile in their vocabulary.

Alright my rant is done for now. I want to be done with jealousy but dammit facebook you make it so hard!

If I had a million dollars

I'd buy a nice chesterfield or an ottoman? The Bare Naked Ladies may have, but these days it seems all it might get me are a few IVF treatments. That is one of the funniest comments people make (more to come on that subject in another post). They say ''If this one doesn't work, you can always just do another one''.

It's that simple. Do another one. Perhaps I should suggest that they offer me their bank account for payment of the next round.

So far we have spent:

Detailed Semen analysis $220
Karyotype Test for semen $400
IVF consent signing  $200
Antibiotics for baseline ultrasound  $20
Birth Control Pill (weird i know)  $15
IVF cycle $6000
ICSI (the process whereby they inject a single sperm into the egg) $1500
Freezing $300
Suprefact medication $160
Puregon $1200

for a grand total of $ 10015. And not a single penny covered by OHIP.

According to the Ontario Government, only women who have both tubes blocked (a rare event) are covered for up to a maximum of 3 IVF cycles. Under any other circumstance, such as when the male does not produce sperm, no coverage is offered. Despite the fact that 1 in 6 Ontarian couples will struggle with some form of infertility, the Government cannot seem to dig deep into their pockets to change this unfair law.

Currently the Government is reviewing a report released  by the Expert panel on Infertility and Adoption. The panel strongly urges the Government to fund up to 3 IVF cycles for all couples if needed. I have written to my MPP on this issue and I encourage anyone living in Ontario reading this to do the same.

A link to the report can be found here:   Expert Panel on Infertility and Adoption

Until the panel's recommendations are passed, my husband and I will continue to drain our bank accounts as we try so desperately to start a family. I can just imagine future family conversations. Sorry honey you don't get to go to hockey camp. Mommy and Daddy blew $30000 trying to have you and another $20 grand on your sister. Maybe you can grab a stick and peel around the driveway.

Injection fun

Day 2 of my suprefact injection and things are going well. At least I think they are. I haven't grown a 3rd arm or anything yet. I am waiting for these nasty side effects to kick in. The headaches and hot flashes the nurses told me about as they throw my 29 year old ovaries into a menopausal state. The nurse also said some people will not have any side effects. Maybe that will be me!

I am starting to freak out about the process more. Once again not at the process itself but the end result. There is a good chance this will not work. During the daytime I manage to rid my brain of these negative thoughts but before I go to bed, I lie awake thinking that this could be an epic failure.

I guess my rollercoaster continues into 2010.

A new dawn, a new day, a new decade

On a cold night in 1999, I rang in the new millenium drinking champagne in a hot tub with friends in Quebec City. Fast forward 10 years later and my drink of choice tonight will be a near beer with the in-laws. As for the hot tub,-they are a no-no in my world these days.


Here we are, December 31st, 2009. I almost cannot believe that an entire decade has gone by (my entire 20's... GULP). At the same time, when I think back to all that I have accomplished since "Y2K" it feels much longer. I had some of the greatest years of my life. I finished university and college, met friends who will be with me forever and attended some parties that will be talked about until I am old and grey. I travelled to Africa, Asia, Europe and Canada, met and married my amazing husband, bought my very first house, got my first full time job, my second one, 3rd one and got my very own puppy.
 
My 20's have been good. Actually, they have been great.
 
2009 has been a tough year. It was like that 8th grade math teacher who taught you so much but you still didn't really like him. This year kept me in the dark for so long and then told me to wait and wait some more (Not the easiest of tasks for an impatient person).
 
 
Tomorrow I start my suprefact injections. If all goes well, by this time next month, I will have 1 or 2 little embyros growing inside me. For this reason, I can't help but be filled with an extraordinary sense of optimism on the eve of this new decade. I know some infertility vets don't like to make promises to themselves like "I will get pregnant in 2010!" so I will just say that I hope 2010 is going to be a good year. I have learned so much about myself in this past year and past decade that I am ready to face whatever challenge comes my way. Deep down in my heart I do believe that I will get pregnant this year.  Hope-it's what keeps me going.