4DP5DT

or in other words, 4 days past a 5 day transfer. I hardly slept last night. My mind was racing, I had a killer headache and was bloated with dull cramps. I literally kept thinking my period was going to rear it's ugly head in the night. Also, my husband was out with friends and didn't get in until the wee hours of the morning so I never rest well until he is home. I also felt ridiculously nauseous. I know I know, you are thinking nausea! Pregnancy! What a perfect pair they make. I chalk it up to having gone out for a huge dinner and then falling asleep way to early on the couch to properly digest my food. Tiredness! Pregnancy! Seriously though I routinely fall asleep by 10pm so that is no indication for me. I simply love to sleep.

This morning I woke up and dug out the last remaining home pregnancy test I had. It was a good quality one too, a Clearblue early pregnancy test that claims it can detect a pregnancy up to 4 days before a missed period. The goal this morning was not to test for pregnancy though, it was to check that my HCG level (the same hormone that is produced in pregnancy) was gone from my system. You see, the trigger shot I took 11 days ago contained this hormone and in an evil little trick to infertile couples everywhere, this shot can give you a false positive. I want to make sure I have a negative so when I do get a positive, I'll know it's the real deal.

It was negative. I put it in the trash, took the dog in the yard and then promptly came back inside and dug it out from the trash. It felt good. It's been a whole 9 months or so since I did that. It's every infertile woman's dirty little secret. We have done it countless times even if the box tells us not to.

So from experience digging out tests from the trash, I can confidently say that the Clearblue tests have always been stark white for me. Even if one pulls the test out of the trash an entire 24 hours later, no cheap evaporation line has ever appeared for me. I was aways a big fat negative (BFN). So much to my surprise the test from this morning had the faintest of faintest lines. Now what am I supposed to do with this information? It is WAYYYYYYY too early for me to have a positive but too late for me to have remaining HCG from the trigger shot. Or maybe I have it wrong all together. I did feel like chucking up my breakfast no sooner than I had finished it. Hmmm.

Until then, it leaves me more confused and with a desperate urge to go buy a bulk size box of pregnancy tests at Costco (yes they are much cheaper there). I won't though. I need to preserve whatever sanity I have left.