Top 10 stupid things people say to the infertile couple

Alright, I need to write this post because let's face it, people have said some really stupid things to me over the last 18 months. Sometimes I wonder if people even think before they speak. My husband likes to remind me that I can't hold it against them. They don't understand infertility. They don't know what to say. I know. How about not saying anything at all! In all fairness, he is probably right but it doesn't stop me from remembering their comments and then posting them on here to have a good laugh. And yes these are all things I have been told. I'm sure many women have heard the same.

10. Just relax and you will get pregnant. Mmm.. true.  Stressing out does not improve anything but all the tequila and vacations in the world will not change my husband's sperm count.

9. I know someone who tried and tried for years and couldn't get pregnant, adopted and then BAM all of a sudden she had a natural pregnancy. Of course you know someone. So does my hairdresser and my cleaning lady's ex-husband's cousin. And no she didn't just BAM get pregnant all of a sudden because you just told me she tried and tried for years. Maybe she was cool with conceiving at 39 for the first time, but I'm not.

8. Ugh it sucked we got pregnant the first month. We didn't even get to practice. Giggle.Giggle. You didn't even get to practice? What happened? Did your husband's penis fall off after your conceived? You can't DO IT when you are preggo? Maybe you should have used a condom if you didn't want to conceive.

7. OMG I am getting fat. Yup that's what happens when you get pregnant. Oh I'm sorry you want pity..from me?

6. Being pregnant sucks. You're so lucky. I would kill for a glass of wine. You want to know what sucks? Spending 11 thousand to inject myself daily, harvest my eggs  and then hope to God that one takes when I put it back in because that it the only way I can become a mom. Man am I lucky I can get drunk though!

5. I know he has a low count but you only need one sperm! Actually no, we need millions to get the job done the old fashioned way. We even need millions for insemination.

4. Did you try charting your ovulation? My neighbour's sister tried for 12months and then used ovulation test sticks and conceived the first month. 1) Your neighbour's sister is obviously dumb. 2) Do you really think I am about to blow 11k on the most complicated fertility procedure that exists and not even know if I ovulate?

3.Just wait until you have kids and you'll see. It's not as fun as it seems. They're so much work. Hold the phone! Cancel the cycle! I had no idea kids required patience and hard work. Yuck! What was I thinking?

2. I don't know about all those fertility treatments. Are you sure? You're going to end up with like 6 kids. Yes I am going to be JUST like octomom. Fucking.Idiot.

1. Oh well just think, if it doesn't work, you can just do it again. You bet. Next time we will use your visa ok?